But I just have to get this off of my chest. I know that I've said many times, but in case you don't know me:
I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE.
Now to be clear, I love all my family and friends, and I don't know where'd I be without them. Hey, I even like them from time to time. XP Okay, more than just time to time. Yes, sometimes someone will do something that I may not like, but I'll get over it and life goes on as usual. It will take an infinite force for me to actually come to hate someone. I will forgive long before I will ever hate, even if it takes a long time to be able to forgive.
I can't say that I like or dislike people I don't know, mainly because I don't know them. I just have an issue growing the courage to willingly introduce myself to someone I don't know. It's not an ability that comes naturally to me. I'm not the social butterfly. I'm more like an awkward moth wall that people will notice but brush off quickly because there's nothing about me that makes me stand out in a crowd. For the most part, I'm indifferent to the people who are indifferent to me.
So, it sounds wrong to say that I don't like people, and I guess it's true. It's more that I don't like crowds. They're loud, they have the potential to be rude, they're made up of people I don't know. To me, a crowd can be a bunch of my own friends, the customers that come in during a day at work, or a crowded subway here in Nagoya. There's too much energy, too many emotions, and I suck all of them up like a sponge. Then I'll start to freak out. All I want to do is run and hide.
Now, the question you'll have is: "But Raye, you work with people just fine. You have lots of friends, and you attend anime conventions. What's the problem?"
Yes, I'm able to work with a group. At work, however, I'm able to do my own tasks at my own pace. Even at the vision center, I'd rather much be in the lab working on jobs that have come in or glasses that need to be fixed rather than be out on the floor helping customers.
I'm also able to work in a group in school, but I prefer not to. I've had too many projects where I'm stuck with most of the work because someone else doesn't pull their weight, or all of my ideas are brushed off (but, lo and behold, someone else can say the same thing after me, then everyone listens). I'd rather work on my own so I don't have to wait on anyone else.
And yes, I go to anime conventions. There's always something going on, there's people EVERYWHERE, they're LOUD, they're CONGESTED. And yet I go because I'm a silly otaku like everyone else attending. However, it's easy to slip away and run to my hotel room and get away from the crowd for an hour or five.
Whether I'm with a group of friends or not, there comes a point where I just can't take the crowd anymore. It's extremely uncomfortable position for me, and I just want to leave once my invisibility kicks in. I'd rather spend a day with two or three close friends than deal with a roomful of loud schoolmates that really don't care if I'm there or not. Just let me be alone when I need to be alone.
Okay, I feel much better. Thanks for putting up with the rant. Just getting rid of crap that I don't want anymore, and hoping it will help this week go a little smoother than last week. I've managed to get SLEEP this weekend, I've completed a lot of homework, and I even cleaned and did laundry today.
Yeah, I think this week is off to a good start already. Going to go over a vocab list one more time for tomorrow's quiz, then I'm off to bed.
Until tomorrow~~ ^_^v
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