The cool thing of the day today was that I didn't have class. The bad thing of the day was in lieu of class we had individual speaking tests. And I was feeling rather confident about it while going over questions last night and practicing with a classmate before our time slots this morning. And I still held that confidence as I walked into the classroom and fine when I sat down.
And then sensei took out a voice recorder and hit the record button.
And then my head went, "OH FUCK."
And then I stumbled through the damn test like I never even glanced at the questions.
I have enough trouble getting through an interview in bloody English, let alone in Japanese. But when it's recorded? All bets are off in me attempting to sound intelligent.
It's unclear whether it's a great dislike or if it's a more of a fear to hear myself. Yes, I love to sing, love to dance, and I'll even jump in on a play every once in a while, so I shouldn't have a problem with getting recorded, right?
Truth is, I can't stand hearing myself when I'm forced to use a microphone for anything. When it came time for concerts or recitals, it didn't bother me because I could never see the video cameras from the stage, but I would only rarely watch the videos afterward. I don't like listening to audio recordings of myself talking or even playing an instrument.
Don't ask me to explain why this is such a big deal to me. It just is.
You readers are a lucky lot because I'm slowly breaking out of my shell and making video blogs for people to watch. Have I gone back to watch them since posting them for the world to see? Not once.
So, today, I'm made to speak with one of my instructors in an interview-like environment, and then the entire thing is recorded. Thank you, you just put two of my biggest fears in the same room.
I would have been just fine if sensei didn't break out the recorder. It did not go as well as I wanted it to. I guess we'll see what the grade is on it soon.
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